Canadian Seal Hunters Need Your Old Baseball Bats

"And me without a bat, eh?"

The annual seal hunt starts today in Canada. In spite of global warming caused thin ice, public disapproval from PETA duped entertainment stars, and carping from moonbats, the hunt goes on. But some of these poor North Americans, who depend on the seal harvest to feed their kids, had to stay home because of the acute club shortage now affecting the Northern Provinces. Our neighbors need our help. The problem and what you can do to make a difference follows.

It seems the Norwegian seal hunters, smarting from accusations of 'live skinning', have bought up almost every suitable bat in the northern hemisphere. That is why our neighbors to the north need our help. I'm sure every red-blooded American reading this has at least one or two old baseball bats in the garage or a closet that they don't use any more. These bats (only the wooden ones, aluminum bats are forbidden by the Seal Hunter's Union) are just perfect for clubbing baby seals. Dig out those old Louisville Sluggers, and encourage your friends to do the same. Help build up our tattered relations with the Canucks!

In order to get these bats into the hands of the seal hunters up north, the old feeder plans to organize a bat collection and delivery road trip. Any volunteers? Eh?
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Update: Once the Canadian clubbing got underway, things turned ugly. The Plains Feeder seal bat delivery road trip is cancelled at least until the old feeder can get a new fake passport.