Stanley "Tookie" Williams has died and ascended into bleeding heart heaven today. God called Tookie early this morning, through His servants at San Quentin. By the further grace of God, no riots ensued. Tookie was a swell cat who only killed a few folks, wrote children's books on butt-wipe and helped start the Crips Youth Clubs. He was also nominated repeatedly for the Nobel Peace Prize. Liberals were seen crying openly as the poisoned convict's tattooed visage rose into the sky.
Folks with their heads screwed on straight were just relieved that God's will had finally been given effect. Such comments as "Good riddance to bad rubbish" were heard throughout the Red States. It is unclear whether Winnie Mandela will honor Tookie's wish "to be buried in South Africa under a yohirimbi tree or my ashes scattered in the Blue Nile river to feed the fish there."