What really gives me heartburn

Home Made Pickled Eggs

If I eat my spicy pickled eggs right before bed, I will get a nasty, sulfurous heartburn. If I top off the eggs with peanut-butter smeared tortillas, I will puke sometime during the night. An evil smelling puke so acidic that it eats the enamel off of my teeth.

What could possibly be worse? How about getting up this morning after suffering the heartburn of the damned, hoping to see the whole Nation transformed and inspired by last night's State of the Union address by President Bush, and instead I get this analysis from Drudge:

BUSH BEATS 'IDOL'
STATE OF UNION SPEECH PULLS 6.7 RATING/10 SHARE FOR FOX-TV, TOPS NBC'S 6.6 RATING/10 SHARE, 5.7/8 CBS; ABC LAST PLACE AT 5.0/7... MORE... TOTAL BIG 4 'STATE' 24.0 RATING/35 SHARE OVER 'IDOL' 19.0 RATING/28 SHARE ON FOX... DEVELOPING...

As if that wasn't nauseating enough, Drudge assaults my bleary, sleepless eyes by printing, in red, that the terrorist odd couple of Iranian fanatic Mohammedan Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and North Korea's criminally insane Kim Jong il are teaming up to nuke America soonest. Maybe if I were to eat my pickled eggs earlier in the day. Like, now. It can't get much worse.