Don't drink the water

Seen in the Sydney, Australia Morning Herald: "There's something strange in the water in little Omaha, Nebraska." The report says it produces a propensity for fruity energy, tattoos, piercings and tap shoes. If you don't want to turn into an insufferable wuss like Connor Oberst or start chewing bubblegum, don't even touch the bottled water in the city. I don't think you can filter out fruity energy.