March 20, 2005

Nebraska in the News

Henry Hill
I'm guessing, taxpayers, that you bought this man his nice, big smile.* This transplanted Nebraskan with the s--t eating grin is Henry Hill. Like many folks in North Platte, he uses methamphetamine and cocaine when he can get it. He owns an Italian Restaurant and was once a real mobster. Because of his notoriety as a rat-fink snitch stool pigeon who broke his Mafia vow of Omerta, he had a book written about him, and Hollywood made a movie of his nasty ways. At the end of the mildly humorous film, Henry goes into the witness protection program to live, as the movie Henry puts it, "the rest of my life like a schnook."

Henry soon grew tired of schnook life, quit the witness protection program and surfaced as supposedly non-schnook Henry the restaurant owner in Flat Rock. Henry should have watched the movie again, because he doesn't seem to have realized that all his troubles started with his involvement in dope. He is back into it again, and back in trouble again. Now, however, he is a 'former mobster from Nebraska', instead of just another wise guy from out east. The Big Red State is portrayed far and wide, (as far as CNN) as a Montana-like refuge for kooks and wierdos, not to mention as a bastion of schnookdom.

Don't miss Henry's Mafia Auction coming up May 29th in North Platte, Nebraska. He is featuring his old Italian suits. Sounds like a nice drive west (just stay on 80, all the way), and I can check to see if there is any water left in Lake McConaughy.

*I mentioned his teeth because, as any dentist will tell you, amphetamine use wreaks havoc on the teeth. I bet the feds got Hank those oh-so-straight choppers while he was on the Witness program.

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