Churchill to Be Named Ward of the Court

Here's a piece I wrote on March 13 about America's favorite Nutty Professor:

Don't Let Me Stop You: Churchill to Be Named Ward of the Court: "A solution may be at hand in the case of Ward Churchill, the controversial Ethnic Studies professor at the University of Colorado. The once-respected university has been humiliated by Churchill's 'work,' which includes comparison of 9/11 victims to Nazi war criminals and accusations of plagarism. Churchill's claims to be an American Indian have also been questioned. Some have defended Churchill based on academic freedom. Others have called for his ouster. Still others have encouraged CU to keep him on the faculty as an example of the sort of loon that today's academic environment shelters.

Firing someone with tenure is a tricky business, so naturally bribery was the initial approach. However, haggling over the price has drawn the process out, with Churchill seeking $10 million and the university offering $10.

Now a novel legal theory may provide the university with a means of escape. University spokesman, Rocky Montagne, says the university plans to ask a court to declare Churchill a 'ward of the court,' allowing the judge to take control of his affairs. Once this is completed the judge can resign from the faculty on his behalf, ending the standoff.

It's unusual for a court to declare an adult a 'ward of the court.' In this case, however, Churchill's juvenile behavior provides a sound basis for revoking his status as an adult. 'Looking at what he's said, written and done, it should be pretty easy to demonstrate that he's not a functioning adult,' according to Montagne.Looking beyond the current situation, the university wants to find a good home for Churchill, preferably in another state. Unfortunately, as a faux Indian, Churchill is persona non grata on the Indian reservations, and no Indian family will adopt him."