July 25, 2005

Never Ask a Turtle Nothin'

Once in awhile I run across a story that calls for further investigation. Such is the case with the story of a man in China who got caught posing as a hunchback, with his pet turtle as the hunch so he could take the turtle on a plane with him. Kinda choked me up, that he thought so much of the turtle that he would go to all that trouble for it so I decided to give Red China a ring on the phone and tell him what a fine fella he is.

As the the old boy was taking a nap the turtle answered the phone. I told Mr. Turtle what I'd heard and found out the turtle was mad as hell about the incident. The plan was his idea and he claimed it would have worked except the man screwed it up by refusing to bend over like a real hunchback. To keep from sliding down the man's back the turtle had to stick his legs out and dig in, thereby scratching the man's back. The man cursed at the mobile and somewhat violent hunch on his back, which of course alerted the cops. And so the turtle was consigned to the baggage hold like a hard shell suitcase with tags and freight stickers plastered all over him, and he was still pissed off at the indignity of it.

He was just getting warmed up when I quietly hung up my phone.

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